“I wish I had lost my sense of smell,” I thought while swabbing the back of my nasal cavity. I continued to carefully follow the step-by-step instructions that I had been given:

Snap off the end of the elongated cotton swab into the small vial.
Close the vial and place it in the clear plastic ‘specimen transport bag’ affixed with the bright orange biohazard symbol.
Seal the bag and add it to the slim do-it-yourself foldable cardboard box.
Drop off the box at a designated priority postbox.

Less than 36 hours later – in a culmination of supply chain efficiency, scientific innovation, and hard-headed bureaucracy – I received the diagnosis via unsentimental text message: “Your coronavirus test result is negative. You did not have the virus when the test was done.”

Phew.

Well, sort of.